Friday, May 18

38.3 degree celcius. luckily it dropped to 37.8. oh well, punishment for being such a lazy girl, insisting not to bring umbrella and end up getting wet 2 days in a row. but thanks for offering to pay for my cab fare :)

felt better after sleeping & i really wanted to watch the soccer semis but my parents didnt allow me!:( but at least i had carmen who kept me updated throughout the match, from the start, from joel's goal to rj equaliser, till extra time and when it was time for penalties, i called her and i could hear all the screams at the back. but in the end ~~we lost.~~ we spent like more than an hr talking on the phone , commenting on how the various sports cca performed this year and inevitably, we talked about ours. about that shock loss against nanyang. whereby the defeat was so hard to swallow and so hard to believe. it took like more than a week for me to really accept that defeat, to accept the cold fact that we are out of top4 for the first time in 4-5 years. we failed to reach our goal or even, get a step closer. Now, i really hope that the bball, hockey and badminton girls will do well in their respectively genre. and that all the sports cca who had failed to deliever this year will bounce back even stronger next year and bring more finals to the school :)

how i wish i had grown up deviod of feelings, so that i would be oblivious to everyone and everything around me. maybe the feeling of not knowing how to feel would be much better that knowing something that keeps bothering you. maybe it's time for me to thrash everything out so that i can be back to normal and that i can be truely happy. i've be running away from these for a long time, everytime this question surface, i choose the easy way out, i escape, i drag. but now i dont want that. i want to face it, i want to thrash it out, i want to get everything off my chest. this is taking up too much unwanted space in my brain. i guess this is part of growing up and i need to learn how to grow up, to be more mature when face with problems and learn how to accept things that doesnt go your way. afterall, i'm going to be 18 soon. i just hope when i choose to speak up, everything will be as it was :) & that i will be a happy person. whoever is reading, please do not ask any questions. i'll tell you if i want to. thank you :)

i ranted-
1:38 PM